I used to blame myself for everything, until I was mature enough to understand that I shouldn’t take myself so seriously. I guess I just learned I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.
I used to admire everyone that knew, even from a very early age, what they wanted to be when they grew up. I suppose it is because I never really knew what I wanted to be, I always wanted to be happy, but that is not enough! One should know a bit more than that to get anywhere near the success!
Do all the successful people know what they want? Does everyone out there know what they want? Did all successful people know they would be successful one day?
On most personal ads I see on those date websites I always see the remark ‘only people who know what they want’… Probably if you know what you want you must be a better person, I suppose.
I never knew what I wanted! When I was a teenager I was really afraid of loneliness, so I started to hung up with people I had very little in common and sometimes I was so afraid of being alone that I would pretend I was someone else and I would even live as if I was someone else. On those days things were really worse than now because although I didn’t know what I wanted, I certainly knew what I was and that scared me so much that I tried really hard to be something else.
Until the day I accepted what I really was. But still I don’t know what I want.
I always believed in luck and even not knowing where I was going to I always felt secure because I thought everything would be sorted out somehow. But sometimes I wonder; if I ever knew what I wanted would I feel less confused than I normally feel?
